Giant blue aliens. No, we’re not talking about Avatar. This one is way stranger–but in a good way. Join us for Fantastic Planet.

Camp meets crazy in a tale that deconstructs the allure of Hollywood. Join us for Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, the movie that demonstrates that bizarre isn’t always bad…

…unless one half of the podcast’s creative team is having a bad day and takes it out on the film.

Awful childhoods seem to be a bit of a common theme, but at least we’re not headed back into Ratcatcher territory this week. Instead we get to follow young Cyril (and his bike) on an adventure to find a home despite a deadbeat father, a drug-dealing conman, and his penchant for wild actions involving scissors. Join us for the previously lost (but now found) episode where we look at The Kid with a Bike.

It’s the end of the world as we know it. But we don’t feel fine, because the only people standing in the way of an enormous asteroid are a group of misfit oil drillers. Although misfit might be understating it. Felons might be more appropriate. Come along with us on a fantastic adventure where oil barons are really just down-to-earth guys with hearts of gold and women are plot devices. You’ll also stand witness to the role that makes Liv Tyler’s Arwen in Lord of the Rings look positively overdeveloped as a character. Ben Affleck joins in, completely destroying any good will gained from his performance in Chasing Amy, and Owen Wilson (reprising his Royal Tenenbaum’s role) has a few lines before becoming a casualty of Michael Bay’s frenetic cinematography.

By the end of the movie, you may just be wondering if you should have been rooting for the asteroid all along! It’s loud, brash, and—somehow—part of the Criterion Collection. Join us for Armageddon.

What do you get when you bring together a chauvinistic, sleazy, divorce-chasing private dick with a plot to do <insert bad things> to the world with a nuclear McGuffin? You get Kiss Me, Deadly, the passionate tale of Mike Hammer’s heartfelt desire to be a total ass to everyone he knows. Along the way we meet female corpse and plot device #1, emotionally abused secretary #2, ethnic mechanic (doubling as ethnic mechanic corpse) #3 and a the personification of a whole lot of manly swagger.

If you like guns, girls, and nuclear holocaust, then something tells me you’re going to love Kiss Me Deadly.

Have you ever wanted to get away from it all? Trade in your day job so that you could focus on what really matters? Do you feel like all you need to be happy is to fake your own death, undergo extensive reconstructive surgery, and ditch your wife and kids? If so, then have we got a deal for you. No, there’s no phone number to call, no webpage to visit, but if you’re just lucky enough to know someone inside the ritziest pyramid scheme in town, then you might just have a shot of getting in touch with the company that will make your dreams come true. Or, you know, the company that enables you to make all the same mistakes over again before forcing you to bring someone else into the fold. Join us for one of *ROCK HUDSON*‘s (emphasis mandatory) classic roles in Seconds.