Well, I think most of us can agree that 2016 has been nothing if not one giant dumpster fire, and in homage to the year that wouldn’t quit we’re diving back into the genre that best fits our collective mood: horror.

So, come join us as we take a long drag race off a short bridge with Carnival of Souls.

It’s the holiday season–a time for family, hot cocoa, and a slew of cheesy Christmas movies–I’m looking at you, Hallmark Channel! But we’re not dealing with quite so cheesy cinematic fare. Instead, we’re going to watch a movie that delves into the lives of a dysfunctional family of…fallen child…prodigies.

Wait, didn’t we already watch The Royal Tenenbaums?! Oh, right, we’re visiting its holiday-themed cousin, A Christmas Tale.

This week we jump into the frame of a narrative spanning two time periods. Or is it two movies? Wait, what’s going on with this romance? Is Sarah crazy? What—is Sarah her name? What in the unholy name of postmodernity is going on here!?

All the best buddy movies are road-trip movies. Especially when half the tripping involves cocaine and Shakespearean tragi-comedy. Today we follow Ted–I mean Neo–I mean Keanu Reeves on a journey throughout the midwest and…Italy?! Really? They go to Italy…with nothing but a title card transition? Okay, fair enough. Join us–and the amazing River Phoenix–for My Own Private Idaho.

Spoilers ahoy, mateys! As a special surprise we’re releasing an extra episode this week. What does it have to do with pirates, you might ask? Well…nothing, actually. But we will be taking a look at four current box office releases: Trolls, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Allied, and Arrival. Which of these films might someday be added to the Criterion Collection?

If Jellyfish Eyes taught me anything, it’ll probably be Trolls…

Join us for some mainstream movie fun!