Month: June 2016

Ep. 22 – Armageddon

It’s the end of the world as we know it. But we don’t feel fine, because the only people standing in the way of an enormous asteroid are a group of misfit oil drillers. Although misfit might be understating it. Felons might be more appropriate. Come along with us on a fantastic adventure where oil barons are really just down-to-earth guys with hearts of gold and women are plot devices. You’ll also stand witness to the role that makes Liv Tyler’s Arwen in Lord of the Rings look positively overdeveloped as a character. Ben Affleck joins in, completely destroying any good will gained from his performance in Chasing Amy, and Owen Wilson (reprising his Royal Tenenbaum’s role) has a few lines before becoming a casualty of Michael Bay’s frenetic cinematography.

By the end of the movie, you may just be wondering if you should have been rooting for the asteroid all along! It’s loud, brash, and—somehow—part of the Criterion Collection. Join us for Armageddon.

Ep. 21 – Kiss Me Deadly

What do you get when you bring together a chauvinistic, sleazy, divorce-chasing private dick with a plot to do <insert bad things> to the world with a nuclear McGuffin? You get Kiss Me, Deadly, the passionate tale of Mike Hammer’s heartfelt desire to be a total ass to everyone he knows. Along the way we meet female corpse and plot device #1, emotionally abused secretary #2, ethnic mechanic (doubling as ethnic mechanic corpse) #3 and a the personification of a whole lot of manly swagger.

If you like guns, girls, and nuclear holocaust, then something tells me you’re going to love Kiss Me Deadly.

Ep. 20 – Drunken Angel

This week we return to the masterful work of Akira Kurosawa. No, it’s not samurai, but rather the depths of post-WW2 Japan and the shady dealings of the Yakuza. Join us as we follow the exploits of a doctor with the bedside manners of…well, a drunken angel. Merciful? Check. Angry? Check. Bottle throwing quack? Yeah, check.

Ep. 19 – The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie

First world problems are the worst! I don’t know about you, but if my caviar isn’t direct from the Republic of Miranda, then it’s cat food. The subjects of our movie this week feel my pain, though. All they want is to have a nice dinner party where they can relax, smoke cigars, drink martinis, and lament the coarse nature of the lower classes. You just can’t teach manners to some people, right? Along the way we pick up the sordid tales of dead parents, lost loves, and awkward tea-time conversations.

After all, life is just a metaphorical walk down a long road to nowhere. And so is The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie.

Ep. 18 – Black Moon

It’s a Battle Royale between the sexes, complete with singing flowers, scratchy millipedes, and the ungodly spawn of a donkey and a unicorn. Meanwhile Troy is sacked by those tricksy Greeks and hawks are murdered with axes. Children frolic, pure and innocent, through the meadows with lambs and hogs, all while military combatants infiltrate the secure borders of this peaceful, pastoral retreat from the world. Rather than speech, let movements and touch be your language—unless you’re stuck in bed, in which case you should just stick to your HAM radio.

Are you a bit confused? Thinking that the authors of the Correction are somehow chemically impaired as they write this introduction? Fear not! You’re just not ready for the masterclass in cinema that is Louis Malle’s Black Moon.

No, seriously, that donkey/unicorn hybrid will haunt your dreams!